You got the look - I got the talk

Jezebel posted an article (click here to see it) about a new study showing it is harmful to yell at your children.  So, here we go: Spanking is out, Yelling is out, What is left to do?  They say "the look." 

I say, let's talk ...

Oh the look schmook! Let me tell you - nothing stings worse than "Let's talk about what just happened." Think about it ... when women tell guys, "We need to talk," they run for the hills! When men tell women, "We need to talk," all we can think is "Oh shit, what do I need to forgive them for now?" There is nothing worse than the, "We need to talk ..." I use it on my kids. 

Yesterday, my 3 year old threw a toy across the room because he was uspet. I walked over calmly and said, "That was dangerous. Let's talk about why you felt you needed to throw that pan (it was a stainless kid sized cooking pan)." He looked at me with terror in his eyes, said so sadly, "I don't want to talk." I said, "Ok, you don't have to talk, but I have to let you know throwing that toy is dangerous and could hurt someone. We don't throw things in the house, ok?" He nodded and as he was walking away sulked, "No mamma, don't talk to me!" Hilarious because his 3 year old vocabulary is limited ... but he didn't throw the toy again (and I got a chuckle out of his telling me not to talk to him). Will he do it again tomorrow? Maybe. 

Whatever punishment you choose, you will probably have to correct them over and over and over again. And spanking/paddling/painful punishment doesn't work better than anything else. Neither does yelling. So why choose that route? Think about how many times you went to school with a burnt forehead from a curling iron - did you still use a curling iron again? Sure. Did you ever get burned again, sure! I probably burnt my forehead 5 times in eighth grade alone. It takes a while to correct behavior.  (And for those of you who are wondering, I haven't burnt myself with a curling iron since I got out of high sc

As a parent we can let ourselves get worked up enough to yell or spank, or we can just realize whatever it is we do, we will have to do it a million times so let's model the behavior we expect from the kids while letting them know what to do.