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Sharing is caring

5/28/2013

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Alright I might be a little late in my post here ... did everyone hear the buzz about that mom who doesn't teach her kids to share?

Well I am thinking about her article as I sit here at my doctor's office.   Just like any doctor's office, the tables are brimming with old magazines speckled with a very few new issues.  I must admit, I have a terrible weakness at doctor's offices, I must confess, I have a weakness for People magazine.  Really.  I am not the mom who reads in the aisle at the grocery store (though I have no judgment if you are), my guilty pleasure is to look at all the pictures of stars in dresses and check out the latest trends.  And I love the "who wore it best?" page.

Anyway, I noticed right when I walked in that someone was reading the new issue.  I filled my time with flipping through old ones (when you are a new mamma and have a 2 year old and infant, you spend a lot of time at Dr.'s offices) but I had already seen them.  I really wanted that new issue.  That guy had the issue for what seemed like forever ... and I swear he already looked through it and was just flipping pages again for no reason ... no reason except to flaunt in my face he had the magazine I wanted to read. But the magazine isn't mine; I have no claim to it.  It is owned by the office and if they have a problem with people reading zines for too long, they would probably put a time limit sign, right (like the cardio machines in the gym)? So, choose your own adventure, what would you do?

  • Would you walk up to him and say "Hey I want to read that!"
  • Would you walk up to him and say "You have had that long enough, it's my turn!"
  • Would you say, "Hey, can I look at that magazine?"
  • Would you just wait until he is done?


For me, I just waited until he was done.  Patience.  We don't teach it.  What we do teach is the second option.  We teach our children that because we want, it means it is our turn.  That isn’t sharing, that is entitlement. 

When our children are on the playground, especially if my kiddo brings his own toy, guess what, yours is not entitled to use it just because they ask.  And if my child is swinging, he doesn’t have to get off just because your kid decides that he wants to use that very swing.  Just in the same way if your kiddo brings a toy to the park, my kid needs to learn that he does not have a right to it just because he wants it, nor can he push your kid off the swing just because he decided he wants to swing too.

I haven’t MADE my 2 year old share.  If he is playing with a toy and the baby wants to play but my older one does not want that, I ask, “Is there something he can play with?” and then he goes and picks out a toy for him.  My problem has actually become that my 2 year old wants to share too much … really!  He offers up toys that aren’t really fun for a baby and I even catch him trying to share candy and food with him.  Let’s talk about a sticky problem there – I want to encourage the sharing so I praise him for doing so, but I gently remind him that his baby brother is not old enough for candy or carrots.

I haven’t gotten to the struggles where both kids want one toy and aren’t willing to budge, but for that situation I did have a friend suggest a timer. They each get to play with it for a certain amount of time, sounds like a reasonable solution and we will get there soon, I am sure.

Sharing should come from a good place in your heart, right?  It shouldn’t be done out of obligation or being told to do so, that just builds resentment for the sharer and entitlement for the one who gets to take something away.  My aim is always to try to foster the best relationship between my two boys.  It isn’t the easiest method, for sure!  It is much easier to dictate what kid gets what when, but I really am aiming to teach them to respect each other’s boundaries, have patience and respect for each other and anyone else they encounter.  It may be harder for me as a parent, but better for them in the long run.

What are your thoughts?

If you want to read the article that got this whole thing started and publicized on GMA -- click here!

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Nothing but the breast ... but not my breast!

5/5/2013

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Breast feeding is difficult.  No one really tells you that.  It is terribly difficult.  It requires pumping at least every three hours.  I was trying to feed on demand to also make sure my baby wasn't hungry, but jeez, I made like no milk.  

Every mom has a different body and different capabilities.  I had a breast reduction when I was 19.  I also became really ill with an allergic reaction and the doctors put me on Plaquenil to kill my immune system.  That stuff is toxic and you can't breast feed.  On top of that it has a half life of 50 days, so that means even if I could start breast feeding after stopping the medication, I would have to wait at least 50 days after stopping the medication to start feeding.  Yeesh!  It seemed like the cards were totally stacked against me.  As it was I made almost no milk (seriously, I was so happy if I could pump 2oz a day) and that is not enough to feed a baby.  

I had to supplement formula for my first child and knew I would have to do with the second, but I had not expected to have to do only formula because of the medicines I was having to take to suppress my allergic reaction to we still haven't figured out what.

Then the terrible happened, my newborn started getting really sick.  I know all newborns wheeze like darth vader, they all are snotty, but this just wasn't right.  He had a hard time breathing and was miserable.  I took him to the doctor and his oxygen levels were low.  We couldn't figure out what was wrong, but something wasn't good.  All that runny mucus he had predisposed him to sinus infections and chest infections.  By two months of age my infant had had two very serious chest infections.  I searched everywhere and did whatever doctor hates; I used Google to figure out what was going on.  It was there that I read all about benefits of breast milk and milk banking.  I had also been reading Mayim Bialik's book on motherhood and all of her info on breast milk.  I looked for a milk bank and found one nearby (which was lucky, there are not many).  I pleaded to buy their outpatient milk.  It is 4 dollars an ounce.  Yowza!  A soda can full of breast milk would be 48 bucks!  But I figured at least if I could get him one bottle a week, it might help with his immune system.  I purchased my first bag full of breast milk and started using one a week. 

We switched formulas a bunch of times trying to find one that would work for my kiddo.  He was gassy and colic ridden.  He would scream for hours - 5, 6, 7 hours a night.  Our doctor switched us to the crazy expensive formulas that are supposed to be hypoallergenic.  They didn't work.  Finally, he had gotten so sick and we just brought him back from the ER prescribed to do more steroid breathing treatments, oral steroids, more antibiotics and essentially overdosing him on fever reducers to keep him below 105.  I decided to use the breast milk I was planning on spreading out over a few months.  I defrosted a bunch and started feeding him only breast milk.  His nose cleared up almost immediately.  He got better in two days.  I had enough breast milk for four days.

On the fifth day I switched back to formula.  His nose started running and we had an entire night of screaming.  We visited our doctor the next day and I informed her of what happened.  She said she had prescribed breast milk for NICU patients before but not older babies.  I contacted the milk bank and asked what they needed from the doctor.  She ran fecal tests just to confirm he was in intestinal distress from the formula and from there the milk bank has supplied us with milk for my infant.  I can't even express what a blessing this was or ever thank them enough for keeping my little one healthy.

If you are one of the lucky mom's who is able to donate, please do.  Most milk goes to help NICU babies - but that milk is generally as close to 20 calories as possible.  Not all mammas make 20 calorie milk.  That milk goes to outpatient use for moms like me, ones with older babies who have special needs because of allergies or other problems.

Please think about donating milk, money, and time, whatever you can if you are a mom who can.  If you are a mom in need and have an infant who you think might be severely allergic to formulas like mine, I hope you think about looking into breast milk as an option.

Click here to link to the Mother's Milk Bank of North Texas.  Please share and like them on FB!  They are the ones who helped my little one, but there are a number of other milk banks out there, check out what is in your area!


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